There was so much to do last night and all the important things done, and still more I wish for. Right now I think of some part of some book to write, but this is not the time. This is early morning time is what this is. I think of all the fears I don't have. Sharon Olds, in a poem, wonder who she will be now that she had forgiven her mother. Now that she is no longer hating, who can she be? That is like me. Now that I am not longer afraid, who can I be? Now that I am not most of the harmful things i was, what can I be? I will have to be made over. Only you can make me over.

Derekh Yeshurin, the way of love and desire. That is my Judaism, reform is just the temple I am in. Should I go somewhere else, my Judaism would be the same, it would be the path of desire, it would be the path of love. This God that I always wanted to love, I am gradually coming to have a crazy love for. This path that I began to tread I am not loving. The people around me I want to love and desire. I want to indulge in how wonderful they are like candy. I want to be lush with life and not tread it day after tiresome day.

I did not even know it was possible, Lord I did not know it