I had said only a few days that in Judaism I felt, for the first time, no longer the need to pull, to test the boundaries, to strain. I said that in Judaism there was a house big enough and wide enough to put all of my crazy ways.

But the itch in the last week or so points to the fact that I am straining again, that I am like the leper at the edge of the camp. I can't stay inside the camp. If there is an edge or a boundary that is where I have to go, and it is with the lepers that I need to learn. All life comes from the edge, and so I am itching to go back to it. It is my home.

It is good to remember that liberalism is only liberal in comparison to something, and in the case of Reform it is liberal compared to conservative and orthodox. Democrats are liberal compared to conservatives, but everyone is a little conservative No one really wants things to change. My liberal friends who make so much of thier liberalism, both in and out of synagogue want the same nice houses that the others want. They want things to remain mostly the same. In that regard I am not liberal, but libertine. I want to be on the side of those who have very little use for the way things are. I wish to overturn EVERYTHING. It is the space age Judaism that bleeds out from the sides into all things and touches the gods of Canaan and the Christs of today, the limitless Judaism that I wish to be a part of. Not going in, no, but going out and in together!